A Picture is Worth 1,000 New Likes on Facebook

I am a huge procrastinator. In high school, I used to write 10 page reports the night before they were due. And I still got a B. My procrastination has been rewarded time and time again. But procrastination really requires a deadline. Which this blog does not have. Deadlines keep procrastinators motivated. I’ll just have to impose my own deadline. Or something.

And now for some pretty pictures!

I have a confession.  I take pictures of random strangers without their knowledge.  It sounds creepier than it really is.  Sometimes I feel like Lilo from Lilo and Stitch.  Except she only takes pictures of fat people. But I am rather obsessed with strangers.

Here, let me show you…

walk lady

This was at Hillsborough River State Park.  We often take photo walks and this area was especially beautiful with the tree cover and lighting.

old people

One of our favorite spots in the world is Fort Desoto State Park.  Fort Desoto has a campground, nature trails, a fishing pier, and so much Florida natural beauty.  And these people who have no idea that I took there picture.

green boat

More Hillsborough River State Park. Those waters are filled with alligators.  Which makes it much scarier.

bw fish

About 20 minutes north of Fort Desoto is John’s Pass.  It has a boardwalk, a variety of restaurants, cute little shops with beachy souvenirs.  Under the drawbridge, people throw their lines in and watch the boats head out into the gulf.  Also, awesome sidenote, they have a pirate festival every year, John Levique Pirate Day.  They have a pirate ship that sails through, firing its canons…it is so fucking cool.

fish boy

The fishing pier at Fort Desoto.  We love just watching the fisherman pull in their catch….also, the fish school under the bridge, which brings the dolphins in for lunch.

bird

Also at John’s Pass in Madeira Beach, these birds seize any opportunity for food…the fishing boats come in and clean their catch on the boardwalk.  They know where their food comes from!  We know where our beer comes from…the bar that is directly behind us as we took this shot!

syfy group

We are HUGE nerds.  Any opportunity to meet like-minded fans of our favorite shows, we take it.  Our friends started a Syfy Saturdays event in our little hometown of Bartow, FL.  It is free, and is a street festival-type atmosphere. As you can see, Doctor Who and Firefly are well represented.  That TARDIS belongs to my neighbor…it is fantastic!

doctor poo

Doctor Poo!  This is our pup Finnegan.  I made the fez from a party hat and craft felt.  Finn was not a fan.  Doctor Poo only hung around for about 20 minutes.

addy

Not to be outdone, here is one of my four cats, Adelaide.  She is the only other lady in the house, so we have to stick together…We call her “The Bitch” because everything is done on her terms.  Want to pet her?  Only if she is in the mood….but when she wants you to pet her, you better not pay attention to anything but her!

blue angels

Finally, a shot from Sun N Fun.  Every March, Lakeland becomes home one of the largest aviation festivals.  We go every year and I was able to capture this shot of the Blue Angels and their support team.  As these jets zoom around, there is a team on the ground helping orient the pilots to the surroundings.  They have mirrors and are constantly flashing the pilots to help with positioning.  It was really cool to watch them do their job.

Brian and I are on vacation this week, so I’ve got some drinking and playing of Skyrim to get back to…Also, we are working on some really exciting new projects involving superheroes and photo opportunities.  I’ve got a million pictures to photoshop and post from our most recent convention, Sci-Con Tampa.  And we will be roaming around Lakeland Zombie Fest Saturday with our cameras at the ready…which means more pictures to edit!  Check back for updates and like our page on Facebook for more frequent (hahaha) updates!

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Stress relief, courtesy of thenerdylush

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m really bad at updating.  It’s not that I don’t care about this blog…I just have a lot of drinking to do during the month and that really gets in the way.

Also, my favorite author released the latest book in her epic, historical romance, time travel, and all around awesome fiction series.  I’ve been reading that every spare second, and in between crying, laughing, and gasping out loud, I haven’t had time for much else.

On top of that, my husband and I got a new puppy a few months ago.  We’ve settled into a routine with the little man, but that routine involves going for walks, playing fetch, and all around altering my sleep schedule to avoid having to clean up pee from my hardwood floors. 

 

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In addition to all of that, (this is starting to sound like a really fucked up life lesson/math problem) Brian and I have been working our asses off to get our company off the ground.  We are photographers when we aren’t at our day jobs, and we’re hoping to make enough money to work for ourselves. 

Baby steps. 

In an attempt to reduce stress, here are my favorite things this month that made me feel a little saner.  YouTube videos and copious amounts of alcohol seem to do the trick.

Brian Williams is awesome.  Jimmy Fallon is a genius.  This video has over 4.5 million views and I may be responsible for 1 million of them.  

Click here.

I love Beyonce.  My obsession with pop music confuses and mildly annoys Brian.  Mostly we listen to punk and ska, but I do love a hot base line. And I’ve just dated myself because I have no clue how to use current slang.  Um, YOLO? Swag? I’d like to apologize to my parents for my douchebaggery as a teenager, because most kids these days annoy the shit out of me.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand.  These three guys are breaking it down to a Beyonce supermix.  In 4 inch heels.  I can’t even stand in heels.  I totter around like a wobbly-kneed baby giraffe.  It’s sad.  This video, however, is pure magic.  And I dare you to put on Single Ladies when you are home alone and just try not to shake your ass a little.

Click here for fabulous.

 

With my love of pop music comes my love of celebrities parodying pop music. If you aren’t familiar with the song Happy by Pharrell, it is a repetitive, funk pop version of “If you are happy and you know it, clap your hands.”  It is one of those songs that you listen to once and you know all the words…because there are only 6 lines of original lyrics.  It is, however, incredibly enjoyable in small doses.  

It is made more enjoyable when Simon Pegg attempts to “sing” his own version.  Simon Pegg wrote and acted in a British television show called Spaced (GO WATCH ON NETFLIX NOW IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT!) but is best known for the Cornetto Trilogy: Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and The Worlds End.  Pegg is a huge nerd and makes my little geek heart squee with delight.  

Click here.

 

I’m a huge fan of movies.  I’m also addicted to video games.  In early June, the video game convention to end all video game conventions, E3, took place.  It is my lifetime goal to make it to E3 and San Diego Comic Con.  E3 allows video game developers and and the big three platforms to reveal their newest games and hardware.  This year, there was really only one game that I was hoping to see.

Click here.

As huge science fiction fans, Brian and I both are obsessed with Star Wars.  When Battlefront came out on xBox, it was perfection; Brian and I could play together in co-op mode.  The levels were all familiar landscapes from the movie; the battles allowed us to choose sides between the Rebels and the Empire.  

Battlefront 2 was more of the same, although it added heroes to use in battle; taking out a garrison of battle droids as Obi-Wan was pretty awesome.  Using snipers to pick off Ewoks was satisfying, but those little bastards throw turd bombs and almost always beat us.

Battlefront 3 was long rumored to be in production, but the project was scrapped a few years ago.  Now that Disney owns LucasArts, the game has made a resurgence and I am super duper excited.  

 

Remember that book series I mentioned?  The first book is called Outlander, hence the Outlander series.  I had insomnia one night 4 years ago, and I searched free books on Kindle.  Outlander was available for download for free.  I had heard of the series, having worked in a book store years before, but I had never read it.  Free was good for me.  

I finished all 860 pages in a few days.  At the time, there were a total of 7 books in print, Outlander being the shortest.  I found all of them at a used book store and finished them all within a few months.  These books suck you in like no other.  A believable romance, a touch of science fiction and fantasy, medically accurate surgeries using supplies from the 1700s, and historically accurate battles make for exciting reading.  

Outlander is being made into a television series on Starz.  I am beyond excited.  I feel like it is a real labor of love for the producers and actors, and I’m incredibly excited to see the outcome.  

Click here.

After seeing what Starz has done with another of their epic historic television shows, Black Sails, I have complete faith in the series.

 

Alright, enough procrastinating.  I’ve got to get back to work on our photography.  You can visit our newly launched website and like us on Facebook.  Next post, I’ll share some more of our pictures and the stories behind them.

 

 

 

 

Let’s set the tone.

Might as well jump right in. Yes, it has been a few weeks since I posted. I’m attempting maintain my persona as a mysterious enigma. Also, today, I felt so ashamed for using a bathroom at Subway without being a customer, I bought a cookie for 65 cents and gave it to a homeless man outside. So let’s just get to the point.

I’d like to introduce a regular weekly (biweekly, monthly, quarterly, whatever I feel like….) blog that I think will really touch the hearts of my readers. It really speaks to the quality of my posts and sets the tone for what is to come.

I present: Shit Story Sundays.

Yep.

That’s it.

I don’t care who you are. You have a shit story. You may never speak of it to anyone. That time you accidently pooped yourself and had to drive home with your ass hovering within inches of the seat to minimize the damage. The time you were at work and the urge to poop hit you so hard, you stopped speaking mid-conversation, blamed an urgent phone call, when in fact you were attempting to quietly evacuate your intestines in the bathroom that is adjacent to the office because the acoustics in the stall seem better than the New York Philharmonic. If you don’t have a poop story, you are lying. Seriously. Everybody poops. It’s even the title of a bestselling book.

I think poop stories are hilarious. Probably because people try so hard not to talk about them, but the poop will not go away. It festers.

I want to feature a poop story every week. I have an arsenal of poop stories that involve myself, my family, and those that probably wish they hadn’t involved me in their lives because I know their intimate poop details. I will attempt to maintain anonymity whenever possible, but where is the fun in that?

To begin, I’ll start with my most resent poop tale. It happened only today.

Brian and I got our first puppy about 2 months ago. His name is Finnegan, and he is the cutest puppy on the planet. No, seriously. Take a look.

Little finny

Today, we decided that we all deserved a beach day. Brian and I needed the break, and Finn could use the exercise and the interaction.

We frequent a little tourist town in Florida and they have a small beach under the boardwalk that is not crowded. This would be an excellent location for Finn to have his first experience with salt water.

Brian and I enjoyed a few beverages on the boardwalk and Finn enjoyed the attention he received from random passersby. Again, he is this cute.

Finnegan

After an hour or so, we headed down the beach access and Finn hesitantly waded into the water. At first, he avoided the waves as they lapped against his feet, jumping backwards quickly to avoid the chilly, foamy water. Quickly, he realized the water gave some relief from the Florida heat, and he paddled around with reckless abandon.

After some time, we wrapped Finn in a towel and went to find lunch. A few drinks and some amazing seafood consumed, Brian and I decided it was time to head home.

The temperature had risen, and while we were in the shade, Finn needed to cool off.

We headed back to the same spot on the beach, intending to let Finn play in the water again and then head home.

Finn was again hesitant about the water, but quickly decided that a break from the heat was important. He plunged in the cool waves and doggie paddled in circles around us. We kept him on the leash, unsure of how he would react if he had free reign.

Other tourists with dogs joined us at the water’s edge, and attempted to coerce their pups to enjoy the cool water. They were not so easily encouraged, and Finn spent most of this time paddling back and forth between the depths and the shore.

Soon, Finn drew the attention of two cute college girls. They stood close by in their skimpy bikinis and smiled as Finn splashed in the surf. Finn struggled to stand between the break in the sand. There is a drop down of almost a foot where the waves wash the sand away, and Finn found himself attempting to stand between these two levels. We watched, amused, as he fought the waves to stand between these depths. The girls giggled, watching the puppy climb the levels like stairs, up and down.

I stood in the surf, holding my plastic cup of beer, sipping the beverage and enjoying the salt air on my face, feeling happy.

Finn found his footing and positioned himself at the edge of the breaking waves….and prepared himself to take a dump.

Finn’s shit stance is unmistakable. He hunches down, his front paws and back paws lining up parallel to his shoulders. This stance makes him unbelievably unstable, yet it is his preferred method of excretion. He wobbles over his steamy pile, and we watch, concerned that he will fall and become a smelly, shitty mess.

This moment, Brian and I watched the wobbly shit show with no recourse. I carry a baggy of plastic bags, rubber gloves, and other poop cleaning materials, but it was 30 feet away on the concrete curb adjacent to the sand.

Also, the turds immediately got caught in the waves, rolling up and down the sand as the waves rose and fell.

Needless to say, the cute girls ran the hell away.

The moment I saw Finn’s poop stance, I started running towards him. Brian says I screamed, “What the FUCK!?” which, as would be expected, helped to gain the attention of everyone in the vicinity.

I considered briefly running through the sand and grabbing my prepacked shit cleaning bag, but it was 30 feet away and the turds were already lazily listing through the water.

“What the FUCK do I do?!”

It is worth noting that I don’t remember using such language, but I am assured that I did, as Brian laughed uncontrollably for about 45 minutes afterwards because of this single sentence.

“Use your cup!”

This is the helpful advice from Brian. My beer cup is still in my hand. I quickly chug the beer, because that is important.

Hastily, I bend down and use my now empty plastic cup to scoop up the closest piece of poop. In this time, it has become mildly bloated floating in the water. I easily capture a medium size piece of shit, and successfully fill the cup with salty water in the processes.

The ability to pour water out of a cup without also dumping a dog turd is one that I will always cherish.

The beach has now cleared out, and the turds have floated 20 feet down the shore while I hobble through the water and the uneven shore, attempting to catch the remaining pieces. I have never felt more like Jaws was happening. Or Caddyshack. But this was not a Baby Ruth.

I realize, a bit late, that there is no world in which I will be able to keep the current turd contained and still use the same cup to ensnare another. I quickly debate my options, and all seem like I’m going to have to get my hands dirty. As the pieces of poop get deeper, I begin to panic more and realize I will have to make the difficult choice.

I reach down and grab the turd with my bare hand.

It is surprisingly firm.

I quickly deposit it in the plastic cup, along with its friend. I stare, dumbfounded, at the plastic cup that once housed my beer, now occupied by two piece of dog shit, an inch of sand obtained in the scooping, and 4 inches of water.

“What the FUCK do I do with it?!”

I apparently get very mouthy in high stress situations.

“ Don’t drink it.”

Helpful Brian is helpful.

“Throw it in the trashcan!”

I trudge the 30 feet through the sand, and next to our towels and shoes is a trash can. I throw the water laden cup in the can and turn to look at my dog. He stares at me, unconcerned with the situation, only excited about the next wave crashing on the beach.

“I will never forgive you for this.” I say to him, walking back down to the breaking waves.

He looks me in the eye, squats, and pisses in the water, never breaking eye contact.

My dog has become an asshole, just like his parents.

Beach finn

Wet Finn

My mom thinks I’m special….

“You should write a blog.”

My mother tells me this at least once a week. This statement has replaced her previous standard of “you should have a baby.” I guess that is something. Mom, a blog is much easier than a baby, and I still can’t manage to complete regular, entertaining posts. But I’m about to try.

So how do you start a blog? I suppose I will name my inspirations; that is, those blogs that are entertaining enough to keep me checking them on a weekly basis. Jen and John at Epbot always keep my attention with Geektastic crafts, real world reviews of books and video games, and sincere posts about their private lives. Jen runs Cake Wrecks and started Epbot with the intention of spreading the love of all things Geeky….I’d say she’s been immensely successful.

Next, for my daily dose of randomness and amazing yet awkward taxidermy, I can’t get enough of The Bloggess. Jenny Lawson is smart, quirky, and makes me feel a little more normal. She is painfully honest about her experiences with depression, which gives hope to thousands and thousands of people that may not have had hope otherwise. My husband and I have a strange sense of humor, and I feel like Jenny is one of the people on this crazy planet that I would get along with swimmingly. And while I’m not sure why we would swim so well together, it still applies.

I am also painfully addicted to Pinterest. This isn’t a blog, but a virtual corkboard used to save pictures of awesome pictures on the internet. These pictures are pinned to individual boards, and the boards can be named as the user likes, allowing similar pins to be linked to the same board. My boards are filled with home improvement ideas that I will never get around to starting, geeky crafts that I will never get around to starting, and amazing recipes that I will never get around to starting. Essentially, it is an excellent place for a procrastinator like me to spend the afternoon instead of working on home improvement, crafts, or cooking food for my family.

Speaking of my family, my husband Brian excels at being awesome, is geeky to the extreme, and takes great pride in his ability to survive extended periods after gaining five stars in Grand Theft Auto. He also shares my love of procrastination, which can make completing our to-do list difficult, but is really good for our Xbox Live Achievement Points. (The more games we play, the more achievements we unlock. We wait patiently for the day that these achievements gain some monetary value.)

So here is what you can look forward to, should I ever post more than an introduction to the blog. Pictures of my cats. Pictures of my dog. Pictures of Disney, the beach, car shows, air shows, nature walks, and random people (I have an obsession with taking pictures of strangers. Not of their faces. That way it isn’t creepy. As creepy. Creep.) And pictures of beer. Because I enjoy beer. Oddly enough, we are watching Beer Fest as I am writing this. And I am drinking beer. Because it is that kind of afternoon.

You will also take a peek into the soul of my geeky fandoms with mentions of Doctor Who, Buffy, Firefly, Star Wars, Venture Bros, all things Marvel, Game of Thrones, Sherlock, Assassin’s Creed, giant robot/monster movies, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Red Dead Redemption, Robotech, Bioshock, South Park, Black Sails, Justified, Regular Show, The Walking Dead or any zombie franchise, vampires that don’t sparkle, and my biggest obsession, the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon, which will be premiering as a television series on Starz in June.

Also, another point to make. My grammar will probably not bother most people that read this. I know the difference between their, there, and they’re. I have a firm grasp on your and you’re. If you find an error of that type, you have my permission to make the sign of the devil in my direction. Commas, however, are still a mystery to me. I went to college. Majored in English. I still love a dangling participle. I will own the hell out of a comma splice. I am a fan of the Oxford comma. If you have no idea what I am talking about, then we don’t have a problem. If you give a shit about proper grammar in a blog, you should probably look elsewhere. But you will be missing out on some amazing content. And by content, I mean a picture of a cell phone car charger that looks like a flux capacitor when plugged in. Don’t know what a flux capacitor is? Google it, educate yourself, and don’t come back until you’ve memorized the interior of a Delorean to my satisfaction.

Finally, if you are easily offended, it is probably best to close the window now. There will be talk of sex. There will be talk of poop. If you are too nervous to talk about sex or poop, you are not mature enough to have sex or poop. Think about that for a second. What I’m really saying is everyone poops.   And some people have sex, and it is a beautiful thing. If it is consensual.  And please just walk away if you don’t agree that gays have the right to marry. Cause that’s just a given here.

Otherwise, sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the randomness. Plus, my mother endorses this fucking shit. And she knows some good shit when she sees it.